


lost  memories (can be like a donut hole)

by PondRam



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Songfic, Unreliable Narrator, based on donut hole, i listen to to much vocaloid, in which john is an amnesiac and he wants to remember everything but dave aint helpin, like wtf dave, lmaoooo, u w u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 13:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1900221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PondRam/pseuds/PondRam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which John forgets everything and tries to remember everything but cannot remember the blond kid with the glasses.</p><p>Also Dave doesn't want to help John remember him</p><p>also a songfic! u w u</p>
            </blockquote>





	lost  memories (can be like a donut hole)

**Author's Note:**

> idk
> 
> oh listen to donut hole (preferably the english ver by mes) while readin this bcause its gr8 and its based of that

_When did I get these memories?_  
 _I cannot reminisce with such a great quantity_  
 _I tried and tried but failed to recall all to mind_  
 _and in my memory this is the only thing precise_

 

\--/--/--/--

You wonder who he is.

You just can't remember him but you can't also forget him.

This troubles you greatly. 

He looks so familiar, so distinct. Someone important before you lost them. 

You know he's beautiful. You've seen him in your dream, his blond hair and sunglasses. Sunglasses that hides his eye color which you want to know even if you don't know him. Your curiosity for his eye color.

You remember everyone except him and you don't know why.

 

Perhaps you won't want to remember him. Perhaps he's a monster you would not want to remember. Perhaps in another world you'll remember him and everything will be okay. Perhaps.

 

\--/--/--/--

  
 _Try again and over again_  
 _Always the same old face emerges in my brain_  
 _Even so I do not know the reason why_  
 _Why you're the only one that I can't recollect in mind_

 

\--/--/--/--

You try and remember.

You try and remember everything before the accident. You see Jade, Rose, all the trolls. The terrors of the game, everything. 

Then you think of your lovers.

You see a female troll that shares the same taste of you. She's beautiful and amazing. You remember her as Vriska Serket, a past memory. You don't know why the two of you broke up, she seemed perfect for you.

As you think harder you see him again.

You see his face but for a reason you just can't remember him if that makes sense. You don't remember his core, what he was to you. You hate this.

 

Maybe he's the reason why you and Vriska broke up.

 

\--/--/--/--

 

_The belt line wraps the tellurion_  
 _it's going round 'n' round, chasing the morning sun_  
 _Even though we do not need a rail to fly_  
 _Likewise, we're running on 'n' on chasing the morning light_

_Try again, again and again_  
 _Always the same old face emerges in my brain_  
 _Rainning on my eyelids to rejoice_  
 _fading away before it being heard - that gloomy voice_

 

\--/--/--/--

 

You remember flying.

Flying around the sun with him and Jade and Rose. You don't exactly remember what happens but you remember the wind on your face and how you ran after him and how he smiles at you and how everything was perfect even if it was not perfect.

You see him though.

In real life not in your dreams. 

While you were outside you saw him just standing and you swore your breathe just stopped. He left though, and you froze not being able to talk to him or run to him.

 

You dream of him that night and his screams before dying. (why)

 

\--/--/--/--

_Not knowing anything at all and like this always_  
 _Wouldn't this hurt you from the inside out everyday?_  
 _Yet it still makes me feel horribly topsy turvy_  
 _If you knew I toss and turn for this I bet you would laugh..._  
  
 _The simple feelings of us is all that I count_  
 _As a result the warmth that you shared with me is now nowhere to be found_  
 _Bye Bye, and we'll never ever meet again_  
 _Don't ask me why do I feel this way all along between you and I_  
 _I cannot break into a smile so let this be our goodbye_

\--/--/--/--

 

You woke up from the dream, a bad feeling something unnatural a feeling you're not used to with you.

You just want to remember him and you want this shit to stop.

You wipe away the cold sweat on your forehead managing a shaky laugh. You bet if he saw you like this he'd laugh and-

 

You're head hurts remembering him.

You count the days that you spend thinking about him. Hurting because of him, and just wanting to feel his warmth.

You don't want to meet him but you want to meet him again, you want to lash out against him. You want to just make him stop.

You want to leave him after meeting him.

 

\--/--/--/--

 

_Just like a donut with a hole,_  
 _it is impossible for us to keep it all in whole_  
 _Testifying you were really here_  
 _to me it's just another wild impossibility_  
  
 _Try again and over again_  
 _Always the same old face emerges in my brain_  
 _I'm all alone again tonight_  
 _lying in bed biting my nails waiting for morning light_

 

\--/--/--/--

It's impossible to be without him so you use extreme methods into remembering him.

You ask Jade, you ask Rose, you ask everybody but they seem to don't want to talk about him. (maybe he did hurt you). Maybe he's just a figment of your imagination someone no one really knows. That seems dumb enough.

You try to remember him again that night.

Lying in bed and waiting for another vision to come forth but nothing happens and you turn into a sobbing mess because you can't remember him and this bothers you so much.

You hate him so much for making you feel like this even if you don't know him yet.

 

\--/--/--/--

 

 _If there were, really were, a thought that never withers_  
so the pain of you and I would ever be comforted?  
 _All things torn, dead and gone, then I'll no longer hope on_  
 _Give me something concrete to fill with, that is all I want_  
  
 _The expired feelings of us is all that I count_  
 _As a result the music you wrote for me is now without joy and sound_  
 _Bye Bye, and we'll never ever meet again_  
 _Don't ask me why do I feel this way all along between you and I_  
 _My heart breaks into tears so just let this song be our goodbye_

_The cavity in my heart tearing me apart  
Now it's the one and only thing that proves you were here with me before_

 

\--/--/--/--

 

You notice a name in your chat friends. A turntechgodhead, and just the simple thinking of the name makes your head hurt so much. You brave this pain and hope that this would lead you to him.

You want this to be your hope as you are close on giving up and just letting this thought bother you and poison you over and over and over and over again.

Heaven knows that you need this, you compose songs for this man that you don't even know about. You want to meet him and you want to leave him and make him feel like what he did to you.

 

You suppose this feeling is the only thing he left for you and you are glad for it.

 

You talk to the red text hoping he might know something.

 

"dude no, im sorry but i cant tell you shit about him all up and secret here."

 

he tells you, and you push until he-

 

"dude no! i dont want to see you ever again okay.

you know who you were trying to find?

me.

i dont want to talk to you"

 

turntechgodhead has blocked you!

 

\--/--/--/--

 

_You'll never know how much I feel empty inside  
My heart is torn into a thousand pieces leave it as it's alright_

 

 --/--/--/--

 

you look at the screen, tears pouring out.

You found him but you still can't remember him, this was not how it was supposed to go. You were supposed to remember him and everything will be okay and your hearts in a million pieces and you cant take this and-

turntechgodhead has unblocked you!

"okay dude

you wanna know who i am?

come to the park now

you know which park"

 

You blink at the text, before your mind can process it. 

You wipe your tears away and run grabbing your blue jacket which you treasure so much as Rose told you he gave it to you.

 

\--/--/--/--

 

_The simple feelings of us is all that I count  
As a result the warmth that you shared with me is now nowhere to be found_

_(_ _Even though we do not need a rail to fly_

_Likewise, we're running on 'n' on chasing the morning light)_

 

\--/--/--/--

 

You ran to the park as fast as your legs could carry you.

Everything becoming a blur, bumping into so many people and finally you see him-

He looks much more beautiful up close.

 

he's perfect and your head hurts like hell pounding unto your skull like it wants to escape like it doesn't want to see this man. (your brains right you know he was the reason of your pain)

 

you ignore this and focus on him, grinning at him.

 

\--/--/--/--

 

_Bye Bye,_

 

 

"You want to know who I am?" he asks you and you nod eagerly wanting to know more about him while you ignore your headache.

 

_and we'll never ever meet again_

"I'm the one who broke you." he says, and you feel him tense up, "And that's why I won't tell you my name."

 

you look at him and the headaches reduces you to you knees and he's quick to move

 

"Shit, John?" he asks (his name remember his name please), "Are you okay? John, fuck I can't let this happen again."

He moves you to a bench and removes his sunglasses making you fully see his eyecolor.

 

bright red.

_Finally I remember the message you called out to me that night_

 

you remember everything and you collapse.

\--/--/--/--

 

_Peacefully take my every breath and gently open my eyes_

 

 

you wake up your head on his lap, you staring at him still on the bench. He notices you awake and-

 

_Gently open my eyes_

 

 _"_ John I'm sorry." e tells you. "Just please forget about me."

 

_Gently open my eyes_

 

You grin at him and he looks shocked. Like he wouldn't expect you grinning at him when he tells you to forget about him.

 

"You're the most stupid dork I ever met." You sit and hug him.

 

_What is the name you lived by?_

 

"If you think I'll ever forget about you Dave!" you tell him and you feel him freeze then relax to your hug.

 

"John, you stupid nerd." he says and you feel him crying, "Took you long enough to remember me."

 

The two of you make your way to your apartment and sleep together. You moan out his name at least a thousand times.

 

You won't ever want to forget Dave Strider ever again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> follow and talk to me on tumblr! chacha-rap.tumblr.com


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